25 April 2012

Darkwing: seven years later.

Seven years.  Seven whole years. 

I cannot believe that I've now lived seven full years of my twenty-five years without Darkwing.

The anniversary came and passed last week, and I intended to write a tribute for him that day, but I didn't. 

I was tired, I was traveling, I was preoccupied...but most of all, I was searching for the sharp hurt that I've carried for so many years now, and I realized that with time, it had become more difficult to conjure that pain on demand.  Don't misunderstand - I still hurt, and I still feel an emptiness at not having him.  But it used to just take one word, one memory, or one thought, and I'd burst into sobs that I couldn't control.  My heart used to feel as if it was literally tightening and twisting and shattering with pain, thinking that so many other people have their fathers, but that I was one of the unlucky ones who no longer had hers. 

But then I remind myself that so many people have parents that are nothing near as cool, goofy, funny, smart (so smart!), hard working, loving, caring, giving, goofy (mentioned twice for effect), and selfless as my Darkwing was.  I am so lucky that for eighteen years of my life, I got to call him mine.

I read a quote yesterday that made me absolutely recognize where I've found myself, seven years later: "someday you’ll walk around the hole in your heart instead of falling in it." 

And being where I am today, I can say for certain that those are such true words.  The hole is still there, but I've figured out how to walk the edge and the outside of it, instead and succumbing to it.

So cheers to you, Darkwing - the man I've missed dearly for seven years, and loved and admired for twenty-five.  xoxo.


Nicole said...

So sweet Lace. He will always be a part of you and it will always hurt. But, remember that he is still with you in the form of memories and pictures. I love you :)

Pam Wilson said...

Beautiful tribute!

Ashley said...

so sweet friend! wow, this makes me wish I had met him! what an awesome man!

Selma @ Crazy Little World Of Mine said...

What a beautiful and strong quote, and tribute! He'd be very proud of you, lady.

Al said...

This is perfect, Lace. Your father would be absolutely blown away to know what a beautiful woman you have become, and how amazing you are each and every day. My love to you, darling girl. xo